Ogden Temple Open House

Back in August we had a chance to go to the Ogden temple open house.  I'm so glad we went.  We haven't been to an open house since Brigham City and that visit was so hot and crowded that our memories aren't entirely pleasant.  So, I wanted to create new positive memories of a temple open house.  We went earlier in the day in the middle of the week so that it wouldn't be too busy.  We started at the newly remodeled tabernacle and pretty much went right into the temple after that.  We stopped a few times during the tour but at least we were inside and cool.

It was so beautiful inside.  I loved the glass and the wood work.  I loved the dome in the celestial room and the neat lights that look like street lights on the floor.  I saw an amazing painting on our way upstairs.  Everyone I talked to noticed it.  It was a black woman in white kneeling in prayer.  It was so striking and beautiful.  I loved it.  I didn't even have to ask which painting my mom was talking about when she mentioned that she saw a beautiful painting.  I wish I could post a picture of it here but I couldn't find it online.

The tour was wonderful and we stopped outside by the fountain when it was over.  A volunteer was nice enough to take some pictures for me.

 One with the temple in the background...

 And one close up.  Brigham wore his headphones so that he wouldn't have to cover his ears.  It was a lot easier to hold his hand instead of holding his elbow.

 It was a beautiful day.  Slightly overcast and not too hot.

 They enjoyed looking at the fountain for a while.

After the fountain we went in the little information tent and looked around.  There was a status of Jesus inside.  I wish I had taken a picture.  It was a nice visit and the boys were good.

After that we went to lunch at Wendy's in Ogden.  When we were done I tried to get back on the freeway but apparently that's impossible.  After taking a few unfortunate detours made all the more confusing because of construction, I finally just drove down a main road until I got to another, less confusing, on ramp.  It lengthened our drive time by a half an hour or so.  I was getting frustrated and Nathaniel was worried that it had ruined our wonderful trip to the temple.  I had to laugh, it was frustrating, but honestly I had forgotten it until now.  The trip was great overall.

We took our trip while Jaaromy was in New York for a week starting his new job.  He was nice enough to travel all the way to the Manhattan temple for me and took these awesome pictures.

 He tried a couple of selfies but I made him keep trying until he got this one right.

I love it that there is a temple in New York.  Such a contrast.

I love temples, they are such a blessing.  I have craved the peace I get when I go.  This has been a hard year for me and going to the temple as often as I can has really helped me feel peace.  I can tell when it's been too long and I need to go again.  I do my best to make time because I can't do it without the blessings of the temple.

TOFW

My sisters, my mom, and I went to Time Out for Women this year.  Another sister-in-law goes ever year with her sisters and mom and so we thought we might try it out as a new tradition.  None of us had ever been and we weren't sure what to expect.  It ended up being really fun and wonderfully uplifting.

 Here is Friday night.

 It was so fun to hang out with my sisters and my mom.

We hear from Sheri Dew, Teryl and Fiona Givens, and Hudson Lights.  Then Sheri Dew interviewed Ann Romney.

 On Saturday Sara came over say hi.  She and her sisters were sitting right across from us.

Saturday was great, we heard from so many inspiring people.  I think my favorite was Michael Wilcox.  We didn't want to leave or stand in line for lunch so Heather picked up some Subway sandwiches for us and we ate them in the car.

Overall it was wonderful and I think I'd like to do it again.

It's Like They Never Left

After serving in Vancouver for 18 months, my parents are finally home.  I can't believe how fast the time went.  They started driving on Monday the 14th and arrived here on Wednesday.  I told Rachel to text me when they got there.  It was still a regular day with regular responsibilities so when I finally got the text, there wasn't much I could do about it for a few more hours.  During that time, I thought about how long it had been since I'd seen them, and how I didn't even remember what it was like to have them here.  That made me sad.

Finally, I had some free time to go and see them.  I opened the door and there was my dad and I gave him a big hug and it all came back to me and it was like they never left.  I remember perfectly what it's like to have them around and I love it!

Some of my siblings were there too.  I didn't think to take a picture but Rachelle was nice enough to share hers with me.

It was a good day.

-

Now that my parents were home, I want to try and spend more time with them.  For example, in one of our school lessons we had a Social Studies worksheet about farms.  Jonathan said he had never been to one so I decided to take him on a field trip to Wheeler Farm.  I haven't been since high school at least, and I don't remember much.  Then I had the brilliant idea to see if my parents could come.  My dad was busy, but my mom was happy to work it in to her day.  She even brought Brynna along with her which made it more fun.

 The first thing we saw were all the ducks and geese getting fed.  Lots of honking and quacking.

 They wanted to wave at the turkeys.

 Jonathan was really excited to see the pigs.

 More ducks on the lake.  Perhaps the same ducks?

 They had fun playing in this cute little playhouse.

 And in this cool tree.

 They had a race.  Brynna is pretty fast.

 Of course we stopped at the playground before we left.

They had a lot of fun playing together.  It was a fun field trip and I'm glad Brynna and Grandma could come with us.

It's good to have Grandma home again.

Conference Weekend and Reaching My Goal

Conference weekend was really nice.  It's always nice, but I think it just went really smoothly this year.  We streamed it from the Mormon Channel with no problems.  In the past it seems there has always been some kind of issue.  I didn't even have a backup recording on our TiVo box in my room.  So it's a good thing it worked out.

When I was growing up I don't actually know what kinds rules my parents had, but the impression that I got was that Conference was just on Sunday and we had to sit and watch.  It wasn't until I was in Jr. High that I realized that Conference was on Saturday too and had been for a long time, apparently.  When my boys were young I guess I sort of did the same thing, we'd have conference playing on all the tvs and radios but they could keep playing if they wanted to, but Sunday we'd all have to sit and watch.  The rules changed over the years as we had more flexibility with start times.  First, we noticed that BYUtv aired it two hours later which was great when we were still sleepy at ten.  Then we got a TiVo box which was amazing, especially when we started getting sleepy.  We'd just pause it and take a 15 minute power nap and wake up ready to hear more.  Then we got one in the family room so the kids could watch it while they played.  Now, we have our Roku box and can stream it from the Internet.  We have the flexibility to start it when we need to and pause if we need to.  This technology thing is really awesome.

One thing I noticed this year was that the boys just knew that we watched Conference together, even on Saturday.  We all just sat down together to watch.  They did great.  I wasn't sure how much they were paying attention though so for Sunday I tried a game I had heard about from a friend of mine.  I bought several different kinds of candy pieces, like M&M's, Reece's Pieces, Skittles, etc.  I put them each in their own bowl and made a sign with a word on it like: temple, family, prayer, faith, etc.  So, whenever that word was said during conference we'd get to eat a candy from that bowl.  It seemed to work pretty well.  The first time a word was said we had to pause it because it was so exciting that we stopped paying attention to the talk, but we got better at it and it stopped being as disruptive.  In the future though, we might want to pick less used words or pick different treats, we were all a little sick from candy by the end.  We normally have breakfast for dinner on Sunday's that we're home, but we were so full of sugar that I made a tasty casserole instead which was perfect.  I wish I had taken a picture, you'll just have to trust me I guess. Not of the casserole, but the candy bowls.  Conference was great, though and I've already downloaded the talks as podcasts.  It's my favorite thing to listen to when I'm driving.  It keeps me relaxed.

Saturday night was the Priesthood Session.  Nathaniel has been a few times now, but I still love it that he and Jaaromy go together.  They even went out for a treat afterwards.

I think they had a good time.

The rest of us needed dinner too so we went to Village Inn.  They did great and I didn't have any trouble with the two of them on my own.  I had a super tasty sausage skillet that I'm sure was a thousand calories but I decided that it was okay, just for today.  The only reason I mention that is because it has to do with the next part of my post.

Since January I have been using MyFitnessPal to lose weight.  I've gained a little bit with every pregnancy over the years and, in the case of Brigham, a lot.  I wasn't happy with how I looked.  The last few years had been really hard for other reasons and even though I didn't like how I looked, it honestly wasn't forefront on my mind.  In a way, I felt like I was just surviving and I didn't even feel guilty about not exercising.  I'm not entirely sure what made me change my mind.  Jaaromy had found this app and was using it and exercising regularly.  He was having success and maybe that's why I decided to start.  I've never loved the idea of counting calories because I love food and I felt that it would make it less fun.  Turns out my analytical have-to-make-the-numbers-add-up side of me was stronger.  So, I credit my success to the fact that I'm so annal.

Here's a before picture:

 This was taken on our trip to St. George about a year ago.  I didn't know I was going to do this or even that it would work so it didn't occur to me to take an official "before" picture.

It did occur to me, however, to take an official "after" picture:

Overall, I lost 40 lbs.  My goal was actually 45, but it started evening out on it's own and so I decided that I was happy with it.  I really don't want to do anything more extreme to lose the last 5.  If this is where I fall naturally, then I'm good with it.

The reason I tied this in with Conference is because I hit the 40 lbs. lost mark on Conference weekend.  This was especially funny to me because of the 1,000 calorie skillet that I mentioned and all the candy we ate on Sunday.  Back in the beginning when I was having a lot success, I didn't dare take a day off of counting.  I guess I was afraid it would stop working.  I finally got to the point where I felt like I could take a day off and start again the next day.  I wasn't going to suddenly gain all the weight back that I had lost.  This was illustrated perfectly in early April when we took our trip to Seattle and Vancouver.  We did a lot of walking but there's not a lot you can do about food.  So, even though I tried to make healthier choices when we ate out, I still had to just let it go and not worry about it for our trip.  When I got home I had gained 5 lbs. back.  But a week later I had dropped it and it went right back to where it was.  That was encouraging for me, I think.

I feel so lucky that this worked for me so well.  I know how hard and insurmountable it can seem.  I'm glad I did it.  I wish I had done it sooner.  I wish I had done it after each pregnancy.  It's a lot harder to come down 40 lbs. than it would have been to just lose 10.  Oh well, better late than never.

Anyway, so that was our Conference Weekend.  Good times.

First Day of School

I don't think I was entirely ready for school to start.  It's always about trade-offs.  I very much love not having to wake up very early in the morning to get kids ready.  I love that my boys, or two of them at least, could get themselves up and make their own breakfast.  It was really nice.  On the other hand, I enjoyed having time to myself after they were gone.  Although this was alleviated somewhat during the summer now that Nathaniel is old enough to watch his brothers for a little while.  So, the pluses of going back to school weren't quite as high.

But who cares what I think.  School started anyway.

 Although I only did it the one day, I got up in time to see Nathaniel off to school.  One benefit to being behind in blogging is that I can talk a little bit about how he's doing in school.  He seems to enjoy 8th grade much more than 7th.  Even though school will always be school, he seems happier this year which makes Jaaromy and I worry a little less.  So that's nice.  Last year he had the benefit of having a friend who was a 9th grader help him navigate Jr. High.  He was in his car pool, the Quest program, and Granite Youth with him so he was always there to make sure he remembered things.  This year he has pretty much had to figure it all out himself with varying results, but I think he's starting to get the hang of it.

Brigham was very sleepy the first morning of school and so I didn't have time to get a picture of him all ready to go on the first day.  So I took this one of him while he ate his breakfast.

Then I tried again the next day.  He's so cute and he loves school.  He's still in the autistic class at his school, but his teacher thinks he could be mainstreamed soon.  He's doing really well.

Here's Jonathan on his first day.  After thinking about it all summer(although I've been thinking about it in general for much longer) I decided to homeschool him.  It's just too easy for him to get distracted.  He had a great teacher last year, but he was still falling behind.  I've always hated homework, but I forced myself to do it with him because it was the only one-on-one instruction he was getting all day.  I just don't have time to re-teach him everything he was supposed to learn during the day, especially not in the early evening to evening hours.  So I decided that it would be better to do it myself.  I was 90% sure I was going to do it last Spring.  During the Summer I was worried that I would chicken out and not do it, it's a big decision.  But as the first day of school got closer, I reached the point where the idea of sending him back to school was harder for me than the idea of teaching him myself.  That's when I knew that it was going to happen for sure.  I found a curriculum online that I really liked, and even though it was expensive, I'm really happy with how it is going.  About two days into it I was surprised at what I was feeling.  I assumed that it would be hard but worth it, that's why I was doing it after all.  But I was surprised when I felt...satisfaction.  I was having fun.  I don't know the exact words to describe it.  But it felt good.  As a Mom, I am the one responsible for his education.  Even if I decide that my kids will go to public school, it's still my responsibility.  If for any reason I feel like it's not what is best for my kids, it's my job to make sure that they get the education they need.  I know that this is what is best for Jonathan right now.  I don't know how long I'll do it.  Maybe it will be a year, maybe it will be longer.  But I will always do what is best for my children, even if it falls outside the "expected" pattern.

So, we've fallen in to a routine.  One frustrating thing about Brigham's schedule is that the bus comes to get him at 8:10 in the morning.  Almost a full hour before school starts!  At first I considered taking him myself so he could get a little extra sleep, but then I decided to do it anyway and it has worked out well.  This way I have a little more time in the morning for myself before it's time to start Jonathan's lessons.

The night before school started Jaaromy gave them all father's blessings.  After the boys' blessings he gave me one too.  My main concern was that I wouldn't have time to do all the things I need/want to do during the day.  I was told in my blessing that I would still have time to do everything I needed and that has certainly been the case.  I'm definitely busy, but I believe I have been blessed with the strength to handle it.  When I have day after day of barely fitting everything in but I don't feel overwhelmed, I know I'm being blessed and I'm so thankful for that.

This is going to be a good year, I think.

A New Home

My orchestra has been around for over 50 years, and as far as I know, has always practiced at the Eldred Center.  Well, the Eldred Center is being torn down along with some other buildings around it to make room for a new Community/Fitness Center.  I always assumed that there would be a place for us to rehearse there.  Not so, as it turns out.  At least, not without a price.  Since we were already in the red, that just wasn't an option.  It was starting to feel like the city of Provo didn't much care for our orchestra which has been a part of the community for over 50 years.  I wondered if we should find a home in Orem.  They had already shown their interest in us by giving us a significant grant.

These were my thoughts, but I am not in charge.  The people who are in charge looked all over and found a place for us to play.  The Seventh Day Adventist Church in Provo.  They had recently built on a huge addition with a big multi-purpose room.  They were so excited to have us play there and have been more than generous.  They spent thousands on sounds panels for the walls and even added on a storage room for our equipment.

The view from my side.  My bass is on the far left, mostly out of the picture.

We're trying out all the possible set up positions to see what has the best sound.  So far, this one is my favorite.

As I was exploring during the break, I came across this.  I love it!  I'm not sure if they were trying to be just a little different, or if they misheard.  Either way, "Sunbeans" sounds pretty cute.

So this is our new home.  It's nice to feel wanted.

What is my blog for?

I've been asking myself that question every once in a while over the last several weeks.  I haven't updated in a while and even though I have things I could post about, I haven't been able to motivate myself to post about them.  I already scrapbook so I don't really need another medium for recording family happenings.  I had been just posting about any event that had pictures to accompany it, but I'm wondering if that's all it is.  I guess I'd like it to be more on one hand, but it's also time consuming and hard to sit down and get my thoughts out.

I'm really just thinking out loud here, and as I think out loud, I have a sneaking suspicion that it really boils down to the fact that I'm just being lazy.

My dad called to see if I could help him solve a problem he's having with Blogger.  As I was trying to help work it out I uploaded a test picture.  These are the pictures I chose to test with, so I suppose this is what I'd like to post about.

These are pictures I have taken over the last month or so that I'm really proud of and I'm even considering entering them in a photography contest through Jaaromy's employer.  I hope you enjoy them.

This picture was taken from my driveway.  It was still raining so I had to stand under the tree to take it.  I have been dying to see a full rainbow ever since I figured out how to stitch photos together.  Finally, it came.  This is six pictures stitched together.

This one I took just this past full moon.  I wanted to try different settings on my camera to see if I could get a better picture.  I'm not sure if it was the settings or the fact that I forgot I had wanted to take pictures of the full moon and didn't remember until after midnight so the moon was overhead and thus a much clearer shot.  Either way, this is the best picture of the moon I've taken so far.  I'm happy with it.

So, there you go.  I've finally updated my blog and it was something a little different and more personal.

14 years

May 8th was our wedding anniversary.  It was on a Tuesday, which is the busiest day of the week for me so my expectations were extremely low for anything fun happening that day.  I'm okay with that, I've never felt things had to happen on that day for it to be special.

So, I was busy doing something in the basement when I hear Jonathan call out for me.  I didn't answer right away, I waited until he was closer so I knew he'd hear me.  Well, he found me and said that someone was at the door.  I was immediately embarrassed because I could guess how long that person had been there, assuming that he had answered the door first.

I went upstairs to find a delivery guy with these beautiful flowers for me.

Jaaromy was so sweet to send these on a day when there would be little time to think about, or celebrate, our milestone.

They were so pretty, and fun to take pictures of, too.

Jaaromy and I have been through a lot together, things that might seriously strain the relationship of any other couple.  I credit our strong relationship to both our parents who have unfailingly been positive examples of healthy marriages.

Taken from my front yard

For anyone who knows Jaaromy, knows he is a worrier.  I love, and take tremendous comfort in, the fact that of all his worries, he's never worried about whether or not I love him.

A funny flower, also in the front yard

Life has been hard at times, but I'm so glad that I have him to share it with.  He makes me laugh, and while that might sound overly simplistic, I believe that has been crucial to surviving our trials together.

Just playing with the camera here

When we first started dating, I felt the Spirit so strong, letting me know that this was right.  I was supposed to be with him.  I've been his ever since and I've never looked back.  I'm so excited to spend eternity with him.  Especially since I'm sure he will only get funnier with time.

Grandma and Grandpa are going away on a mission

My parents decided that they were going to go on a mission.  They first mentioned it maybe nine months ago.  Honestly, I don't remember.  At the time it seemed so far away and unimaginable I didn't think about it much, but now here we are and I feel both prepared and unprepared for what it actually means.

They went into the MTC on April 30th and left for Vancouver on May 11th so now they have been gone almost a whole month.  The day before they left was their farewell.  They both gave wonderful talks and it was great to hear their testimonies.  They had all of us participate in a family choir and we sang Come Follow Me which went well, despite being somewhat chaotic.

After the meeting we got together at their house for lunch.  It was great being with everyone and there was a lot of tasty food and desserts.

We also attempted a family picture.

I love this picture of my dad trying to direct everyone for the picture.

 Not bad.

Don't they look cute?  We're so lucky to live at a time when it is so easy to communicate with others all over the world.  We've been able to talk with them through e-mail, of course, but also Skype.  It can't compete with the real thing, but it really goes a long way towards feeling connected with those you love.  I also worked hard helping my mom feel comfortable with using her blog, of course, Blogger immediately changed everything.  Hopefully, this new Blogger format will make it easier.

I will be hard not having them around, especially in regards to free baby-sitting, but I was reminded that Heavenly Father blesses the families of missionaries while they're in the field and so now I know that this is going to be an awesome 18 months.

Nevermind

Well, I changed my mind and now I'm keeping my blog here at Blogger. I really struggled with this one because I wanted to make sure that I wasn't doing it because it's easier(and it is easier). The problem is that technology has always been a mixed blessing and unless I am willing to cut myself off from it entirely, which I'm not, there really isn't anything I can do to protect myself other than what I was already doing(although I'm sure I could do better).

Technology is a wonderful tool and has brought about much good. But as long as there is evil in the world we will always have to be vigilant. I can't wait until the millennium when all this wonderful technology will only be used for good and not for evil.

So, now I have a lot of catching up to do since I wasn't really posting on either blog because I hadn't fully decided what I was going to do. Hopefully it won't take long.

It's not me, it's you, Google

So, I have decided not to accept the terms and conditions of Google's new privacy policy. This means I will loose my accounts with several online sub-entities of Google's such as Gmail, Youtube, Google Talk and (sigh)Blogger. The fact that they have their fingers into so many things is part of my problem with them. Their new privacy policy will consolidate all my information and my posts will belong to them(it's possible that they already do). Add to that their increasingly nonchalance about working with the government and I don't want them to have that much control over me. The old argument that "I don't have anything to hide" doesn't fly with me. Not only is it the principle of the thing, but our government is getting more and more corrupt and their idea of what is right and what is wrong is changing and I don't want them to suddenly decide that I'm a person of interest because I have food storage. I would rather not make it any easier for them.

I have found suitable replacements for all of them(although Jaaromy is having a harder time finding a suitable replacement for Gmail) but some of the replacements, as in the case of Blogger, are not quite as easy. I have transferred all my posts to Wordpress at http://ziersezeitgeist.wordpress.com/http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif and after a lot of tweaking finally got it more-or-less the way I want it. It's not quite as easy to use as Blogger but it does what I need it to do. So, please start checking that blog instead of this one. I have until March 1st to accept the new policy and so I hope you all see this before then.

Often, the right thing to do isn't the easy thing, and I believe the right thing is to not affiliate with Google anymore.

I asked for it

So, if you don't mind, I'm just going to dive right in to this post:

After my IUI last month failed, I was pretty depressed. Since my last miscarriage, every month that had gone by that I wasn't pregnant was bringing me further and further down. Something needed to change and I said so in my prayers. Obviously, being pregnant would solve all my problems but I knew it needed to be more than that. I needed to find a way to be happy in spite of my enduring infertility. So I told Heavenly Father that I needed something. Pregnancy would be nice, but I'll take anything that gets me out of this depression.

Well, less than a week after my negative test I got a call from a member of the bishopric asking me to speak in church on the 20th. The subject? Cultivating a Grateful and Humble Heart. Honestly, gratitude isn't something I struggle with. Listing things I'm thankful for has saved me many times in the past. I was pretty anxious, but I figured it would probably be something I needed. That turned out to be quite the understatement.

Actually giving the talk is the easy part. The hard part is writing it all down. I'm terrible at speaking off the cuff and so I must write everything down. I am so thankful for the church website. All I had to do was search "gratitude" and I pulled up six recent conference talks plus other references. So I read them all, pulled out all the best bits and connected them all together with my own words. It took several hours over two days to finish it.

The amazing part was that I felt I had so much help putting it together. I have felt for a long time that Heavenly Father had left me alone to endure infertility. So this was truly a miracle for me to feel His hand in helping me put the right words on the paper.

I've posted it online if anyone would like to read it. I'm really pleased with how it turned out and I got a lot of compliments from the congregation. Also, our High Council representative asked for a copy. I wonder what that's all about.

Jaaromy told me not to let it go to my head. I'm not too worried about that. I know I couldn't have done it on my own. This talk was as much for me as anyone and Heavenly Father gave me the words that I, myself, needed to hear.

So, now I'm waiting for the results of my second IUI and I'm more optimistic about it than I have been in a long time. I sure hope it's positive but even if it's not, I have been given new hope and renewed faith in Heavenly Father's timing.

If I were a romantic I'd say he gave me the stars

I wasn't very coy about what I wanted Jaaromy to get me for Christmas. I try to be because I want to be surprised, but I also don't want to be disappointed. So I end up saying all but the exact words.

I wanted a camera that fits into the eyepiece of my telescope so I could take pictures. I had a mount for my regular camera but it was just too hard to get it to do what I wanted. So I was pretty sure that was what Jaaromy was getting me. When it came time for the purchase it would have been pretty hard for him to hide the amount spent since I'm the one who does the finances in our house. It was a noticeably larger amount than I had expected.

So, instead of a camera to fit into my telescope, he got me a whole new telescope that comes with a camera!


I feel like I need to explain what I'm wearing. It's cold in our house and I just grabbed a random long-sleeved shirt to cover my arms. Also, I apologize for the background. It's currently being stored in our back room which is unfinished. It makes it the ideal place to put our exercise equipment and my craft table.

Back to the telescope. It's much smaller than our first telescope but it reflects twice(or something) so the image is about the same size. But the real bonus is that it's a motorized equatorial mount so it follows the Earth's rotation which makes it much easier to keep an object in the field of view. Perfect for taking pictures!

Jaaromy is more excited that I am to try it out, so on our first relatively clear night we did just that. Jupiter is the most exciting thing to look at right now and it's in the low Western sky at night. Which means we, and by that I mean Jaaromy, had to shovel our back porch. It was so cold, plus, I had just showered and my hair was wet. I put a hat on to keep warm but my hair outside the hat froze.

In spite of the cold, we managed to get some pictures. The sky was mostly clear. It looked plenty clear with the naked eye, but there was still a lot of atmospheric disturbance. I think that will just be the case during the Winter, unfortunately.


So there you have it, our first picture of Jupiter. I hope the blurriness is because of the atmosphere. We won't know until we get out again when the skies are clearer. I hope we don't have to wait too long since Jupiter is only getting farther away. You can clearly make out the Northern band. The Southern band has mysteriously gone missing over the last several months. Hopefully it will come back. It just wouldn't be Jupiter without the two dark bands.

I'm super excited for my present, and so is Jaaromy. He's actually been the one behind all the set up and picture process. I'll have to give it a try by myself so that it will officially be my present and not Jaaromy's. Think of the episode of the Simpson's when Homer gave Marge a bowling ball for her birthday.

I can't wait to take more pictures. Perhaps when it's warmer.

My 3rd and my 4th

On Monday my poor 3rd child got a stomach bug. He couldn't keep anything down all day. At first I tried a little Sprite, and then later I tried some Gatorade. By the way, the Gatorade was blue. Think about that for a minute.


See how sad!?

Anyway, so I couldn't give him anything and it wasn't until the next morning that I dared give him something to eat. So he hadn't had anything since lunch on Saturday. He didn't eat dinner the night before, foreshadowing perhaps? So I was getting a little worried. He was so weak Tuesday morning, I decided to wait a little bit longer before I tried to give him anything.
Apparently, he was ready to eat because he got off my lap and pulled me upstairs and climbed into his booster seat. He must have been really hungry since I know he was really weak. So I dared to give him some Cheerios and water and a little bit more Gatorade. After waiting anxiously I decided he wasn't going to loose it. What a huge relief!

This event and the emotions surrounding it were made more intense because I started bleeding Friday night.(Sorry, no pictures) By Saturday night it was pretty clear that things were not okay. By Tuesday night I had officially had my 4th miscarriage. Knowing this made me hug Brigham longer. He is so precious to me. All my boys are. Brigham especially reminds me of this since he was my last successful attempt at bringing children into our family. The whole time he was sick I was reminded of how fragile life can be, how things don't always go as planned, and how sometimes we are left wondering if our prayers will be answered.
I read a blog the other day of another mother who was going through some tough trials. While at the gym she noticed a bird outside trying desperately to fly forward in the face of some powerful wind. The bird was flying as fast as she could but was making no progress. When I read that I wanted to shout "YES!" That is exactly how I feel about the last three years of my life.
If I'm honest with myself, I'd have to say that I have felt that Heavenly Father knows my trials and I can imagine him saying softly to me to just be patient. At the same time He has definitely let go of the bike, so to speak. I'm doing my best to keep moving on my own, but I can hear Him from behind telling me to keep going, just a little farther, you're almost there.

I'm handling this all pretty well actually. I really should be devastated, but after a day or two I'm ready to get on with it. This is not to say that it wasn't extremely painful, emotionally, even now. I guess I'm just not the type to stay down for very long. As long as I've got a uterus, I'm going to keep trying. What can I say, I'm an optimist.
So if you're wondering what to say next time you see me, you don't need to say much. Just give me a hug so I know you're thinking of me. And if you want to bring me a plate of cookies to cheer me up when it's hard to be optimistic, that would be okay too.